We all have that one friend nobody gives the aux cord to. We all have that one person that mustn’t “pearl” with “ze Bluetooth dewise” in the Uber. We all have that one friend who manages to do all the wrong things when they’re in charge of music. You might even be that friend. Or not.

If you’re that friend, this is your alter call. Salvation lies ahead. Just keep reading. If you’re not, maybe share this helpful guide to that friend. As the ultimate goal is to set the speakers on fire with the quality of music coming through, these commandments in this piece will guide your aux decisions. 

Thou shall never assume aux cord privileges.

The aux cord is sacred. It’s not a right, it’s a privilege. Never ask for the aux cord immediately you get in the car (except it’s an Uber). Give whatever insipid thing is playing a chance. Decide if your music is any better. If it is, ask for the aux. If it’s an Uber with others and there is no consensus, put it to a vote. Never assume that your music is everybody’s music. Respect the aux.

Thou shall keep the Afrobeats to foreign hits ratio at a respectable 8:1.

In simple English, Afrobeats is global now. Avoid foreign songs (when you can), because…

Have you heard the quality of music in Nigeria lately?! Nobody has time to be jamming the US Top 100. The only exceptions are Drake, J Cole, Bey, Kanye West, RiRi and trap music. Make every other person getat.

Thou shall not hype up any song or your playlisting skills.

The best way to say you like a song is to play it for others. The best way to prove you know how to handle the aux is to shut up, and play great tunes. Saying things like “this guy is too good, let me play his song real quick” or “I sabi this music thing die” is always a recipe for disaster. 

Bonus point: thou shall not look to the driver for approval. If they like your songs, they’ll let you know. Allow yourself cook.

Thou shall put others on to great new artistes and songs.

It’s part of the job description. You’re supposed to play at least one awesome song nobody has heard. One song that’ll have everybody asking “who made this song?” If you’re looking to find great new artistes, try this playlist.

When “Implication” by 2 Face or “Replay” by Iyaz comes on, thou shalt feel it!

You can never go wrong with any of the above songs. “Shawty’s like a melody in my head…” and “As I kolobi you sister…” are two throwback hits that do wonders to the mood for road trips — so, FEEL IT! 

Thou shall not play weird obnoxious music.

These songs exist. You know them. The rule is simple, if you think a song is weird and obnoxious, chances are it is. Spotify and YouTube Music algorithms have made it easier to avoid playing these songs. All you have to do is, click on one good song everybody knows and put it on shuffle. Thank technology.

Thou shall not max out the volume and wind down all of a sudden.

I assure you, no song is that spectacular. Not one song. You think of it, have you seen anyone driving by with windows down and music blasting on max and thought to yourself— “how cool” or “that’s how I want to live my life”. The answer is probably “no”. So, don’t be that guy.

Thou shall not change the song midway.

There’s a simple way to explain this, once you hit play, let the song play. You’re not Quilox’s official DJ, nobody is expecting smooth transitions. Just let one song play, and naturally give way to the next song.

Thou shall play the occasional Naija x UK club banger.

“She tell me badman say I need your love…” has never missed. “If you send me the location, then I’ll be right there…” is still timeless. If all else fails, neither will let you down.

Thou shall not play the booty song back to bag.

It’s just weird man. Don’t do it. Imagine being on the road with your boys and someone is playing “Booty Call” by Mohits All Stars right after “Ukwu” by Timaya.